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A STILL LIFE - A PERSONAL COVID
19 CHRONICLE
The world has changed. It's
so quiet. Few sounds interrupt my day: the occasional
chug of a fishing boat engine leaving the harbour
on the rising tide, followed by squawking squads
of gulls, a blackbird, sweetly singing outside
the window. This hiatus between life as it was
and how it will be for a while, is a time to reflect
and analyse my frame of mind during age-related
'lock down'.
So much has, and will be
written, to describe
the social, economic and emotional impact the current
situation is having on our lives, Everyone will
have their own story. For me, my husband and Sunny,
our dog, it's living in a protective bubble of
self isolation. physically separated by the harsh
facts of what is happening beyond the garden gate,
however, I'm not deluding myself and know that
bubbles burst, so we are keeping our distance ourselves
as best we can. Apart from our daily walk, everything
is being delivered from basic groceries to occasional
treats from an enterprising local bistro. The
butcher, the baker, the Thai curry maker, put their
boxes two metres from the front door..
The buzz-words of self
isolation and social distancing
had real meaning when a close relative contracted
the virus. She was very ill; not so bad as to need
a respirator and has since recovered at home. She
described her initial symptoms as loss of taste
and smell, followed by a headache so bad, she thought
she was having a cerebral bleed; she described
the worse symptoms as experiencing being suffocated
and drowning without water and a huge weight compressing
her rib cage, leaving her gasping to breathe.
The virus is an evil entity playing
hide and seek with every one of us. I'm reminded
of when I was a small child; maybe, about 6 or
7; I was prescribed a course of penicillin for
an ear infection and had an allergic reaction.
My temperature was so high, I hallucinated; all
these years later, I can recall the image of a
heinous, green goblin that transmogrified itself
from ugly, Gothic gargoyle into an evil, illusive
form that chuckled under the bed, danced around
the ceiling, hid in my teddy's fur... I was so
terrified, I was afraid to open my eyes, or breathe
incase it knew where I was. This virus is like
that goblin; a driver may have sneezed on my Amazon
package, it could be lurking on a stile I've climbed
over, on the postman's breath. It's as random as
playing Russian roulette with the Invisible Man
Human nature being what
it is, has shown its many
different aspects. It's the key workers who are
pulling us through this. Not simply highly skilled
healthcare professionals, who are going beyond
the call of duty, but ordinary people doing ordinary
jobs; the supermarket checkout women, delivery
drivers, postmen. Of course, the other side of
this are the mean-spirited individuals relishing
the opportunity of fulfilling a sanctimonious role
as local Stasi. Then again, maybe, I'm being disingenuous
and they're akin to the villagers of Eyam in 1665,
when bubonic plague, ravaged the country. The entire
village 'locked down', accepted voluntary quarantine
to sacrifice themselves and stop the spread of
the disease. A powerful echo from the past, that
any deprivation we may be feeling now, will be
worth the isolation.
While we've all been pulled
up to the bumper of
our mortality; there is much to be said for adversity.
It's amazing how quickly some businesses have adapted
to survive and keep staff employed. Local shops
are delivering, cafes and restaurants are operating
take-out and delivery services, bakers are baking
and the boats that are going to sea, have discovered
ready, local custom. We've never had so much fresh
fish without the restrictions of quotas and markets
collapsing. Social media is vital for keeping up
to date and thanks to my family, I've come to terms
with FaceTime, and as for the Zoom boom; I love
it! Book Club, Writers' Group, family events -
to see and talk via video, is a revelation and
a comfort; provided I can be patient enough to
wait past constant 'buffering'. as we all talk
to our screens at the same time.
What of the future? Any way the wind blows! There
will be a sea-change and familiar life as we've
known it, may not be reclaimed in my lifetime.
Anthropologists and historians will write about
2020 and it will be a significant date future generations
of children will learn along with 1066 and 1666.
Will there be a rewind and U-turn in social mobility
not seen since the Industrial Revolution when much
of the population left the countryside to work
in towns and cities? Many are realising they can
work from home, not needing a daily commute to
be productive and find they actually like it. The
past twenty years have seen staggering advance
with the use of computers and the internet, and
these advances have made it possible for a reverse
revolution in the work place..
If I'm honest about my
state of mind; it's gone
into lock down too. As human beings we're all in
a tail spin of uncertainty; I have wobbly moments
and worrying about the future of my family and
push aside the need to smell my granddaughters'
freshly shampooed hair - I bury my face in the
dogs fur for now. I've retreated to a still, quiet
place and found a passive, inner stillness, I've
not withdrawn but won't think too far ahead and
contemplate my impermanency, or how that part of
my life not yet lived will be. Ostrich-like, If
I stay still, like hiding from the demon of my
childhood nightmare, I'll be safe.
There will be a pre and
post Covid-19 world. In
the past, we've fought enemies with guns and bombs,
as for the future, the battle will be won by epidemiologists
and scientists.... until then, whatever the emotional
cost, I don't want to die choking and gasping for
breath, with a stranger holding my hand. As restrictions
begin to slowly lift... I'll be patient, take it
easy and stay close to home.
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